I saw a pink sky yesterday. It filled the dark city from the top, covered it with feathers and glitter. The city, well known for being desolate and ugly, gained a different ground. It embraced the pink and boasted its urban lights, flickering with joy.
Cities are all dark maybe, but this particular one was the champion before my eyes. Champion for being the darkest and ugliest.
We are champions too when it comes to seeing the ugly and being the ugly. At heart at least. Our vision is blocked and we bleed dark rivers outside. Our depressive and broken hearts cry out loud.
But the sky is there. Blue, white and even pink!
Even when it’s dark and cloudy, it still offers light, or at least wind to cool our dying hearts.
The sky is endless and it is our limit to appreciate life. Our lives are endless too with myriad of opportunities. We have the right to turn them into blues and pinks or windy blacks.
We are the limit to our joy and sadness.
The sky is too generous and is never hiding from us, it is always there to show us how to embrace the darkened ones.
It embraces us.
Why don’t we embrace ourselves and accept our darkness?
Let the pink cover you, wash you with joy.
Let the blue take you away.
Let the white soothe you.
Let the cloudy black refresh you.
Just let the endless skies heal you and hush.

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What is your favouite place? or places?
Have you ever sensed the power of a place that calls you to itself? Where you felt at ease going with the natural flows?
There are places that we connect deeply through their people, animals or plants. There are places that appeal to us for some inner reasons. There are places where we feel “at home”. We truly connect to these places.
But we lose those connections in time only to feel lonely, deserted and homeless.
Though it is us who desert the place, in the end we feel the consequences.
We search for different places that appeal to us for superficial reasons. We search places that have artificial meanings. We live or spend time in places where homes are only houses. We become homeless house-owners.
I feel like trauma, a condition of homelessness in itself is very much related to this disconnection. In our lives spent unaware of their meanings and desires for fulfillment, we hardly connect to a place, and in our traumas we look for no avail at objects, areas, corners that mean nothing to us. When we don’t sow connection trees, we don’t reap healing fruits.
Just like other conditions, trauma makes us go around for healing hands and arms and eyes but these meaningless places (though they could be meaningful for someone else) do not offer them. We fail to find help, we fail to find a cure.
What if we looked at those places where we deeply connected? What possible cure those places could offer us?
a whispering tree
a childhood backyard
a garden patch, a room corner with pale walls
a wooden plank by the lake shore
some streets of memory
some laughter coming from balconies
or our remembering hearts
terraces
rivers
horizons
mulberries on the way
soil beneath our feet
a distant echo of a child
maybe us, the long gone child
anywhere we have a bittersweet memory
anything that echoes in our souls
what cure those can offer while we search for meaning in cubicles, empty streets and empty toilet corners wet by our tears?
we need to look for ways of homecoming.

healing eyes

June 3, 2011

Trauma takes people into undiscovered corners of their minds and hearths. Our bodies and souls are already resistant and hesitant against others, but trauma creates unrecognized barriers between us and others. We feel that no one is able to understand us. True. Breakdowns, panic attacks, sleepless nights, sleepy mornings, suicide wishes at worst, fill the minds and hearts. And we seek help. Nothing big maybe, but only a quick smile, a caress on the head, a tap on the shoulder, something, something that will keep us attached to the life. But usually we are misunderstood if not rejected at all. Our hearts beat at enormous speeds yet we are told not to exaggerate. Our minds bleed dark dreams yet we are told not to make things up. Our bodies yearn for the final resolution yet we are told to go on as is we have the physical means. Trauma is unique to each person and is yet to be discovered by others.
When we seek help we often fail to look at other creatures and only look for the human touch. Our dark energies are deeply felt by animals who would willingly share a paw touch. They would willingly listen as if they would respond. Yet their ears wait and their paws remain untouched. We constantly look from the window ans watch passers go by but birds are there and singing; we fail to notice.
Look deep into the watery eyes of a dog and see the difference. Those are the healing eyes. Not the healing shoulders, mouths or hands we wait for, but they are enough and there. Look deep and see your own saddened eyes only to be softened by the reflecting ones. A dog senses you more then you can and is willing to listen. Talk and give yourself in. Healing is the common denominator in nature, shared by many. Be aware of animals’ abilities and do not restrict yourself to your own kind.
How you ever seen a handicapped dog? Pulling its legs or its walling device behind, clinging hard to life. Or a bird with missing fingers or wings. There is no place for dark dreams and wishes. Only the will to resist and go on. Look into its eyes and see its power. It will teach you more than any other person how you can go on. How you can manage. How you can succeed without others. You have the will in you and animals can show you this. Heal by seeing not seeking.

animal crowd

May 13, 2011

Loneliness hunts people often but for no true reason. People are only one dimension of feeling the completeness. If they are not with us, that never means that we are left and deserted. Again we hardly see what nature is offering us and fall to desperation. We are never alone when we look at the nature but we hardly do so. Soil is teeming with a myriad of creatures, walking, running, laughing, fighting. Above we are praised by the presence of many animals we often fail to notice. Birds are there if you can’t appreciate the soil, just look above. Everywhere we are surrounded by animals who breathe, sweat and talk. And many would welcome us willingly. One should wait a second before saying “I’m alone” and try to hear the unnoticed crowd. The animal chorus would say “You are never alone”.

sprout

May 11, 2011

rise above your dark grounds like a sprout, pushing, pushing with vigor
what holds you gives you strength
what stops you shows you the way
like earth that carries the sprout to heavens
you are carried to your heavens and dreams
with your dark grounds beneath
what enemy you have under your feet
is in fact your home
what hands and arms that hold you tight and
imprison
are in fact your guides
be a sprout
and rise above your dark grounds
for they are what carry you on.

can’t beat flowers

May 1, 2011

The city is full of flowers. Cordoba is famous for its month of May when every resident puts himself/herself to work: embellishing their houses with pots of flowers. They compete, they sweat under sun, they get theirs hands dirty and they stain their white walls with the unbeatable colors of flowers. There is so much delicacy, so much care in the intimate flower-human relation here as we notice. People are welcoming summer with pinks and reds and yellows. For therapy, flowers offer a tremendous potential. Actually not much can beat them for their miracle touch.

I remember feeling the immense joy from seeing my tulip bud in the little pot I had in the gray city of Ankara. It was difficult times with too much trial and disappointment. Too much rain in heart. But the tulip offered me the will to continue the day, continue breathing and keeping hope. Its color shined into my room.

Flowers, sticking out of the dark soil, with their naughty colors, should remind us how we can ourselves rise and shine from the darkness we reside in, from the crevices we hide in. We should take heed in seeing their green bodies, full of vigor and hope, going high and wide. We should rejoice in seeing their petals tingling with wind as we go with the flow of life. We should learn how they use waters and lights of mother earth, to understand ourselves what She is offering generously. And we should imitate flowers in their efforts of rejoicing others as we heal and help others. Touch the petals of a flower today and feel the softness in your heart.

oceanized

April 23, 2011

one of the most intimate relations with mother earth happens when you meet the ocean. the first time i saw it was 5 years ago and i still remember the pain of joy for seeing the endless blue. it was so breathtaking, so amazing to look at, that i was speechless for a long time. and for days i could not take my eyes out of it. in fact i did not get used to it. it was so enormous, so overwhelming. it was teaching me how small i was in earth’s hands. how weak. but also powerful. powerful to be able to sense it and make a meaning out of it. i was oceanized. and for the whole time period i was there (portugal), everyday for 5 months, i sought it, touched or smelled it, and found refuge by it. it did not matter if things were wrong, ocean was there to erase them. to clean up my mind. i’m in love with flowers for their enchanting colors that puzzle my eyes. i’m in love with trees for their soothing whispers and their myriad of greens and browns. i’m in love with animals for their caressing furs and lovely sounds. but ocean! with its one color and one dominant sound it is the secret queen. it rests in my heart deeply.
i was by the same shores again after 5 years. and i cried for it, near it. i sought its silencing hands and held them with my feet. i touched its marching waves with my hands. and i smelled it, tasted it and sensed it. i was so naked without it for 5 years and it was a glorious reunification.