oceanized

April 23, 2011

one of the most intimate relations with mother earth happens when you meet the ocean. the first time i saw it was 5 years ago and i still remember the pain of joy for seeing the endless blue. it was so breathtaking, so amazing to look at, that i was speechless for a long time. and for days i could not take my eyes out of it. in fact i did not get used to it. it was so enormous, so overwhelming. it was teaching me how small i was in earth’s hands. how weak. but also powerful. powerful to be able to sense it and make a meaning out of it. i was oceanized. and for the whole time period i was there (portugal), everyday for 5 months, i sought it, touched or smelled it, and found refuge by it. it did not matter if things were wrong, ocean was there to erase them. to clean up my mind. i’m in love with flowers for their enchanting colors that puzzle my eyes. i’m in love with trees for their soothing whispers and their myriad of greens and browns. i’m in love with animals for their caressing furs and lovely sounds. but ocean! with its one color and one dominant sound it is the secret queen. it rests in my heart deeply.
i was by the same shores again after 5 years. and i cried for it, near it. i sought its silencing hands and held them with my feet. i touched its marching waves with my hands. and i smelled it, tasted it and sensed it. i was so naked without it for 5 years and it was a glorious reunification.

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One of the turns happened in Greece. I had gone there with dreams of idleness and maybe some freshness but what I found in the end was a new me and a signpost to my new path. I adored the horses. I hugged the kiwi trees. I ran with the dogs. I bottle-fed orphaned lambs. I danced in nature for nature all alone in green gardens. I opened my heart to the blue skies and I closed my eyes to the gray ones. The goodwill of a powerful woman had turned the place into wonderland and I had gone there to help; in the end the place helped me. I was reborn with the help of the island.

trees

January 4, 2011

loreena mckennitt sings yeats’ words into me.

Beloved, gaze in thine own heart,
The holy tree is growing there.

trees have taught me to live. to go on no matter what the weather was. i saw trees of high pride and courage. holding tight to their earth and still rising. they gave me the best lesson and i hushed. it was worthless all crying, in their eyes set for high skies. how could i dare to whine and give up when they held tight to what little earth they held on slopes and hillsides, fearing falling and dying. they held tight to their earth and so did i to mine.